Elder Abuse

It has been a difficult couple of weeks here.

My mother-in-law is in an abusive marriage. When I met her suitor after my father-in-law passed, I was concerned that he was going to swindle her.

His words, actions, and use of money were all indicators of something not quite right.

As is normal, nobody on that side of the family listened to me. Her suitor wined and dined her. Took her to expensive places and, in general, did all the right things in public. But what I was hearing about the private interactions was not good.

My wife flew out to bring her mother home. Her mother got scared of what her husband would do. Decided not to come back. Wife canceled her mother’s flight back.

Mother-in-law and her husband had a loud, angry, abusive yelling match on Thursday, and Mother-in-law changed her mind and decided she needed to escape.

Since the plane ticket was gone, they packed up, got in her car, and drove here.

Mother-in-law is staying at a good friend’s house; she doesn’t like the mess that is my house.

I get one night with my wife. Then we go to breakfast; we have good conversation. Wife and MIL decide they are going to a local city to catch a movie. All good.

MIL changes her mind, which of course causes my wife to do exactly what her mother wants. They go back to the friend’s house where something went down.

Instead of figuring out options, MIL decides she needs to go home.

My wife talks to me. We agree that we need to have time to work this all out. She goes out and talks to her mother. Mother begs to go back home to her home in a state far away.

My wife can’t say “no” so instead she rushes home, grabs the suitcase she hasn’t unpacked yet, and she and my MIL are on the road.

From the time of the incident to the time my wife and MIL are back on the road, something like 45 minutes.

So my wife is a 1000+ miles away, again. My MIL has gone back to her house and her abusive husband.

You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved.