This is the second Christmas without my parents. Last year, about now, I was finding out just how nasty my brother actually is. Which gratefully caused me to connect with “The Cousins”.
This year I am doing a bit better. Not great, but better.
Growing up, Christmas had rules. You got three “major” presents. Mom made sure they matched you and, to her, more importantly, that the value of your set of presents exactly matched your siblings.
I swear that Mom would make that balance within a few nickels every year.
As the number of grandkids grew and Mom became more mentally fragile, she couldn’t keep up with matching presents to kids. She switched what she was doing.
Each kid, grandchild, spouse or significant other, and “adopted” child received the same thing: a beautiful Christmas ornament and a cash gift.
The first time this happened, it was difficult for me; I was broke, so that cash was extremely helpful. But the ornament matched me, and that was what I was truly thankful for, but I also needed to express my gratitude for the cash. I didn’t want my parents to think it was just the cash that was important to me.
Over the years Mom’s ability to choose personal ornaments declined, but it was still a staple.
Last year there were no ornaments from Mom. She and Dad were gone.
As Christmas started growing nearer this year, I felt the loss of my parents overwhelming me. Knowing that there would be no ornaments, no cash from Mom under the tree.
I fixed it. I got the addresses of all the cousins, the names of their spouses and significant others, any children they had, adopted or natural. Then I got ornaments for them all. The female adults got ornaments from one collection, and everybody else got them from a different collection.
Those ornaments with a $10 bill were packaged up and sent out.
Everybody that Mom would have sent a gift to received a gift. Even my brother.
It worked. All who have reported so far have been very pleased.
The Question
What is a Christmas tradition that your family has that you took over when your parents passed or that you want your offspring to take up when you pass?
I truely miss the gathering of the Families, some far flung and only occasionally there, at my Grand parents house, and the resulting “Grand Christmas Dinner”. It was a time to reconnect with the Uncles, Aunts, 1st Cousins, and the occasional more distantly related family member that you didn’t often see. The days of preperation that led up to the days of cooking in my Grandmothers kitchen, assisted by my Mother, the Aunts, and older female Cousins. The men assisting in the heavy lifting and repositing of the food as required. The reconnecting of the grandchildren with each other running hither and yon at play. The gentle comradery and reconnection of a Family gathered for a celebration of FAMILY and Life.
My Grand parents are gone 25+ years. All of their 3 children, my Mother, Uncle and Aunt are gone. My Grandparents Family is now flung to the 4 winds across the US, and sadly none of the grandchidren have taken up the tradition of the Grand Family Gathering for any holliday.
Family is what I truely miss.