So there I was, happily standing slightly left of middle, when people around me started doing weird stuff. First, it was making statements that bothered me. Stuff like calling me a TERF (trans exclusionary radical feminist), which is so far from the mark as to be almost funny. I was told that I don’t understand what it’s like to be LGBTetc. I just can’t possibly get it because I’m so normal.
Folks, these things were coming from people who’ve known me in real life, face to face, for about a decade. They know I’m pansexual (ie bisexual but really I don’t care what you stash in your slacks). They know I’m pagan. They know I’m poly. They know I’m kinky. They know I’ve had lovers of many types (men, women, and people who don’t really fit comfortably into either of the first two categories). They know I come from Hungarian stock (ie Magyar, a group who were and sometimes still are persecuted) on one side, and Scottish (a group historically persecuted) on the other. If you want to get down to brass tacks, I’m a charter member of some of those alphabet soup groups. I’m old enough that I remember when the kink community was still ruled largely by the gay men and their families.
I’m also apparently sexist, homophobic, and racist.
All of this is said of me because I decided to comment (sometimes face to face, and sometimes online) about things going on in the world. Stuff like how I don’t think you should force the word “cis” on someone, just like you (that particular group) don’t want various pronouns forced on you. Somehow, it’s always “just not the same.” And so I’m a traitor to my race, to my gender, to my country.
What?
When I was talking with Chris about it the other day, I said it was like I was standing on a beach, in the water up to my waist, happily between the ocean and the shore. I was able to reach both, and glad to be there. Then suddenly the water sucked away, and I was on dry beach, confused and unsure. Then a bunch of rednecks and republicans walked by and welcomed me to the Right, and I got more confused.
What?
There’s actually a bunch of us on TikTok, people who used to be more left leaning, or at least centrist, who’ve now found out that we’re the new Right. To be honest, none of us really wanted to be here, but here we are, and we’re trying to make the best of it. And there’s no denying it. When the tide of the Left receded, we were left behind to flounder in our new-found home.
The good part is that most of the people over here seem to be really nice. The few dipshits are easy to ignore, and amazingly, no one else gets upset when you ignore the dipshits. The bad part is that some of what’s important to us (a certain level of abortion access, marijuana decriminalization and legalization, the government either allowing all marriages or getting out of the marriage business altogether, etc) seems to be really ignored or put down over here.
Something that seems to bother us but not other Right leaning people, is that there are some important people over here (governors, members of the House and Senate, etc) who are completely bonkers. I’m hearing from other people in the House** (though I cannot find any video of it, which upsets me) that Marjorie Taylor Greene took her personal theories about the government controlling the weather, and made it the business of the House. She’s welcome to believe what she wants, but that kind of nonsense doesn’t belong in the House chambers.
First, how do y’all navigate this kind of stuff? I know that Greene and others say good stuff too, but when they start taking to official places with these kinds of kooky claims, what are you supposed to do? I don’t want that kind of thing associated with me. And now, suddenly and without my real consent, they are associated with me. Because I’m somehow on the Right. I don’t like it. It bothers me. I don’t want to share anything with people who think 9/11 was an inside job, the Holocaust was not real, or that the government is purposefully causing hurricanes to devastate southern states.
Second, I’m so, so sorry to all of you. Four years ago, when I was down on Trump, I was “drinking the kool-aid” as the saying goes. I couldn’t see past the news clips and misinformation. Now, I’m standing over here, looking at people who were friends of mine a couple of years ago, and I’m aghast. They can’t see the nose in front of their face. What the actual fuck? But I can’t say anything, because they won’t hear it anymore than I heard it when I was over there. I keep wanting to pull up all the data and wave it around and yell, “See? See how right this is?” but I know it won’t do any good at all.
I’m sorry I was one of those people. I don’t know how y’all dealt with me. I don’t know how I could have been so stupid. I pride myself on working hard at seeing all sides of any particular issue, and to have missed such glaring problems on the side I was then standing on… I feel horrible.
I’m watching the civilian led search and rescue operations like the United Cajun Navy, Shepherd’s Purse, and other organizations, doing just what needs doing. I saw FEMA not arriving until far too late. Don’t get me wrong, there are FEMA people who are doing their best to do the right thing, and I appreciate that. There are some parts of FEMA that are doing infrastructure, and doing it well (I have heard good things about the folks from FEMA around Ashville, for instance). The military is finally on site (and it is not their fault they weren’t on site earlier… they were ready and willing but didn’t have orders), doing what needs doing. There’s people all over, just doing the right things, and I applaud that. I am trying to be as balanced and investigative and fact-based as I can about the outcome of these storms, despite being worried about friends and family in the areas affected.
Anyhow, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for being clueless for so long. I’m trying. I’m working at it.
** I did find the original video that led me to investigate, and the representative is Jeff Jackson of NC. Though he’s a Dem, I like his style of explaining things. I’ve seen him take people on “his side” to task when they’ve been wrong, and he’s relatively polite when taking down people on the Right. Here’s the TikTok video:
@jeffjacksonnc Rep. Jeff Jackson: Update on Helene disaster response. #fyp #nc #wnc #helene #northcarolina #asheville #boone #blowingrock ♬ original sound – Jeff Jackson
Comments
12 responses to “How did I get here?”
Reminds me of an old joke. Something like:
“I was kicked out of the non-conformist group because I was not non-conforming in the same way the rest of the group was.”
And, that is the problem. The folks pushing the identity politics are so wrapped up in their method, they will actively reject anyone who does not 1,000%+ agree with everything they say/do.
No different anywhere else. Look at all the gun folks who are rejecting the NRA because of some minor offense or decision they disagreed with.
CBMTTek, I have issues with the NRA for a variety of reasons, but I’m not going out and actively trying to get anyone to change their beliefs. They are MY beliefs, based on my observations of the facts.
And yes, the identity politics has become something of a shit show. Whoever has the most victim points, wins. It makes no sense at all.
ones who come over to “our side” we welcome. the “other side” is too confused about everything. notice how everything HAS to have a label??
hang tuff.
curby, labels can be useful. As someone who has spent a good part of their life actively being apart from much of society (as I’ve mentioned… pagan, poly, pansexual… there’s something for everyone to hate!), labels can feel really comfortable at times. Being able to look at someone’s label and say, hey, you’re like me, hi! Oh, that feels so nice. Like coming home.
But there are people on the Right who are also like me. The difference is, the labels are there to help, not to segregate. Everyone over here is American first, and then has a handful of other points below that. And that matches me.
When I realized who/what I am, when I was much younger, I decided that I did not want to be one of those people who screamed things from the rooftops. There’s just no reason for it. I talk about it openly if questioned, but there just aren’t that many people willing to actively walk up and ask you point blank questions about your sexuality, orientation, etc.
I always ask myself… would a “normal” person feel a need to talk about this? If the answer is yes, I go right ahead and talk. If the answer is no, I might still talk, but I do so cautiously… and often I just don’t talk. Basically, unless someone is trying to get into my pants, they don’t need to know my sexual preferences.
Yes, labels can be a good thing. however, in todays screwed up world labels ARE used to divide…. this is what I see around here. my two favorite “labels”- We the People and American..
Hi Allyson,
Thank you for the heartfelt post. Neither your apology nor your self-flagellation for your past is needed. Many of us on this side of the political spectrum understand that you simply “don’t know better” and that the only way for you to get here is of your own volition.
Regarding the kooky stuff, are you a constituent of the district MTG represents? I’m confident you aren’t. As such, she doesn’t speak for you. In my view, nobody speaks for me, except me. I can disagree with a policy, position or any of the inane stuff someone says and still support them as a politician.
Based on many of your writings where you share snippets of your past, I think some of your difficulties stem from not wanting to be labeled. Unfortunately, that’s what the left does.
My semi-rhetorical question for you: who cares if you get lumped in with MTGs kooky views? If someone brings it up in a discussion, it’s a strawman, nothing more.
Rush Limbaugh made mention, many times over his career, of why he didn’t respond to allegations of racism. Paraphrased, “The only way to win is not to play.” It is impossible to prove a negative. In essence, the harder one tries to “prove” they’re not a(n) “ist” or a “phobe”, the more they appear (to an external viewer) as what they were accused of being.
All of that to say; do what you can to not care what others think about you. In my experience, the left is overly obsessed with what others think of them, hence the virtue signaling, and so on.
Just my 2¢ and worth exactly what you paid for it.
Sarin, you said: “My semi-rhetorical question for you: who cares if you get lumped in with MTGs kooky views? If someone brings it up in a discussion, it’s a strawman, nothing more.”
I think part of my problem is that I am not a strong enough debater to get past the strawman. And sometimes, I agree with the person questioning me. I do have problems with a lot of what MTG says, and while it’s easy to say, “I’m not with her,” I am standing on the same beach as she is. It makes it harder to point out that she’s down in the LaLaLand section, and I’m over here in the NewlyMintedRightist section, and they aren’t the same. I’m struggling with the knowledge that I am now standing on the same side as some people who did some really shitty things to me when I was younger, and that’s HARD to get past.
I’m less concerned about what people on the Right are saying. I feel like I can talk to the people over here, and have rational discussions. But I’m pretty sure that the moment most of my acquaintances get wind of me being over here, I’m going to be dumped by most of them. And yeah, that hurts. And no, I don’t really want it to happen.
That’s fair, a strawman is simply a “distraction”. People set them up to knock them down in a debate and then claim that they won.
You could be and likely are a good debater. You know the opposite side well, you were one! That’s critical to being able to articulate the flaws in an argument. Bear in mind it only really works with a logical opponent.
Being on the same beach as someone does NOT indicate that you’re firmly in their camp. Yes there is a certain amount of inference based on proximity. Dint let others hold power over you based on that fear of being associated with (insert pol/name).
Critical thought and exploration are key to understanding this side of the fence. That understanding will make you lethal in debates.
“First, how do y’all navigate this kind of stuff?”
Well, in large part I start by not accepting anyone’s definition of me, other than my own. Even Mrs B, the one I love more than life.
From there, it’s easy to just note (for instance) that yeah, I agree with Pol. X about some things, but their beliefs don’t define what mine need to be; and yeah they’re occasionally off the deep end. And move on.
I’m a Christian, straight, Caucasian, male. I vehemently disagree with your religious views, your sexual preferences, abortion, and likely a few other things. I’d happily explain to you why I believe you are wrong, IF YOU wanted. If you don’t then I have no right to force you to listen and ultimately those choices are between you, God, and your conscience.
I don’t agree with everyone on my “side”. If I disagree and I’m challenged I’ll explain. My oldest son has rejected most of what i taught him growing up and he has effectively disowned me for my support of Trump and I therefore have no access to my granddaughters.
We do agree, however, largely on the 2A, 1A, 4A, and much of the rest of the constitution. Therefore, welcome to the MOSTLY sane side. Don’t feel bad that you got left behind by the insane.
Wesley, no need to explain. I probably already know. I studied Christianity, and respect it, especially how it started. But I totally agree with you that it’s between me and God (however I happen to see God).
I once had a devout Catholic ask me, what would I do if I got to Heaven and was presented to Jesus and he asked me if I had accepted him as my Savior. I said I’d say no, I had not. The Catholic was horrified, and asked why I would say that. I explained patiently that to say so would be to lie, and if I was standing in front of Jesus, a face of God, I’m pretty sure he’d know I was lying. I don’t lie. I will, however, be terribly confused. *grin*
I believe in what it means to be an American. That includes the whole Constitution, and its supporting documents. And because of that, I believe that you can have your beliefs, I can have mine, and someone else can have theirs, and we can live peaceably. There might be subjects we don’t bring up over the dinner table, and that’s fine. 🙂
Oh, one more thing…
“Anyhow, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for being clueless for so long. I’m trying. I’m working at it.”
Forget about it. I doubt there is a single person on the planet that cannot say the same thing about some divisive topic. (Not always politics, BTW.) We have all been there.
The point is not what you were before, or how you thought/behaved. It is about what you have become, and acknowledging that you were not correct earlier.
The people who should really be sorry are the ones who will never be sorry. Because they are convinced they are not wrong. And, when you are “right” you have nothing to apologize about.