Chris Writes Like His Father
It isn’t often you get to compare your writing with that of your father and grandfather. My grandfather was a PhD with published works. I should try to find his thesis and other publications. I have read his unpublished autobiography.
My father had a few articles published, and I’m sure he wrote more. I should attempt to get his master’s thesis from ODU.
Yesterday my daughter stumbled onto a couple of articles published by my father. I write like he did. I guess I speak like he did as well.
I’m positive that much of my very dry humor comes from him.
The original Pseudo-Soo Line was located in Golden Valley (Minneapolis), Minnesota, and was on the Northstar99 layout tours. We moved into this basement, then totally barren, in April 2000, and the new Pseudo-Soo Line was up and running for the Gateway2001 layout tours 15 months later. Approximately 230 model railroad enthusiasts visited the layout during the convention.
The new PSL occupies a space 50′ long and 12′ to 22′ wide. It is an “around the walls” layout with a long center peninsula. The mainline is a closed loop with two single ended, “nose-to-nose” staging yards. These represent Sault Ste. Marie, MI (“The Soo”) and Minneapolis, MN. The main loop from “The Soo” to Minneapolis is approximately 200′ long. Another 100′ of track represent branch lines and interchanges. Abracadata 3D Railroad Concept and Design software was not only used to design the layout but the entire basement. [This software is no longer available.] The design was essentially complete before we moved in, and I have made very few changes to the original design.
The three classification yards: Rhinelander, Ladysmith, and Weyerhauser. There is a passing siding between Prentice and Hawkins, and two short run-around tracks elsewhere. A branch line leads to a reversing loop that represents the Wisconsin Central routes to Superior, WI and the Bessemer, MI iron mine complex. Another branch line goes to Rice Lake, WI. There are 60 industries including team tracks and ice houses, plus four standard gauge interchanges: C&NW at Rhinelander, The Milwaukee Road at Heafford Junction, the Wisconsin Central at Ladysmith, and the C&NW at Rice Lake. The narrow gauge Thunder Lake logging railroad crosses the PSL at Robbins Junction and transfer hardwood logs going to several online users. The hand-laid Thunder Lake RR module is the only part of the layout used intact from Golden Valley.
Operation include both passenger and freight movements. The Atlantic Limited (East and West) and the Superior Lake (North and South) represent high-class varnish. All runs include some switching moves. The Milk Runs (East and West) drop-off and pick-up cars at Lassig Dairy and make a number of stops for passengers and milk. There are 13 freight jobs including manifests, peddlers, ore trains, turns, and dedicated industry and interchange moves. A 6:1 fast clock is used, so the seven or more operators required to run the railroad keep busy during a typical 3-hour session.
Digitrax DCC is used. A 6-wire telephone bus forms a LAN to all points of the layout with jacks along the fascia. There are also receivers for infrared and radio (both simplex and duplex) throttles. Guest operators are invited to bring their own compatible throttles. All turnouts are hand-thrown with Caboose Industries throws.
— Bob Johnson's Pseudo Soo Line, LDSIG, https://ldsig.net/bob-johnson/ (last visited Dec. 21, 2025).
His layout was what was known as an “operational” layout. This meant that you could run it realistically. He had cards that represented loads and destinations. The yard operators would have to make up trains, which would then be moved over the main line to different yards by other operators.
Still other operators would run the locals. These were the little trains that went to the different businesses to pick up and drop off loads.
A standard operating session would be 7 or more operators working over 3 hours on a 6:1 fast clock. In other words, they would simulate 18 hours of operations in just 3 hours. Generally, was made up by the fact that the locations did not have real distances between them. So the dairy was only a 1/2 mile from the yard, while it was more like 6 miles in reality.
Regardless, I love and miss Dad. If you feel like it, go read his entire article. He has pictures and more.
The Brown University Shooting
Brown University is in Rhode Island, one of the anti-gun states. There are no guns allowed on campus.
It is a gun free zone within a gun free city within a gun free state. Yet all of those things failed.
To provide a sense of security, the college webpage has a section on security cameras. They list some 800 security cameras and where each is located and their field of view.
Which is precisely the sort of information a bad guy would want to know because it shows not only the areas that are under surveillance but also the blind spots. Which the shooter took advantage of.
Which brings up the experiment done by a news organization several years ago to “prove” that guns don’t save lives. They told the selected “protector” that they were the only person with a gun in the room. That there was going to be a mass shooting event, simulated, and they were to stop the shooter.
Everybody except for the protector was in on the experiment, unbeknownst to the protector. Many of the protectors bragged to their “student” neighbors about being the protector.
Of course, when the bad guy entered the room, the protector never successfully stopped them. The entire experiment was set up for failure.
This was compared to a similar experiment set up in Texas. In the Texas experiment, the protectors were chosen at random; the level of experience the different protectors had varied from none to significant. They used simunation (blue guns that shoot nasty little pellets).
What they found was that the total number of victims was reduced in all cases. That in some situations the attack was stopped shortly after it began. There were no false shootings.
One of the interesting sequences was when the bad guy came into the room with the good guy. The good guy put multiple rounds on target before being “killed”. During the debrief, they asked why he only took body shots after noticing the body armor.
His reply, “I’ve been shot with those things; I wasn’t going to shoot somebody in the face with them.”
The point of this rambling is that guns save lives. This was another example of a gun free zone creating a victim pending zone.
Keep your head on a swivel, things are not getting better.
The Past and The Present
It is difficult to comprehend what a piston powered steam engine is capable of doing. It is a different sort of beast than the internal combustion engine.
For those that are old, you might have grown up with a manual transmission. There is a considerable skill in learning how to balance the clutch and engine speed to get smooth motion.
This is hidden in a value we call “horse power”. Horse power is also expressed in Watts. There are 745 watts to a HP, depending on sources. Close counts in this calculation. HP and watts are a measure of work.
Consider picking up a barbell. By measuring the force required to lift it, the time it takes to lift it, and the distance moved, we can measure the power used.
Now consider that same barbell, but it is too heavy to lift even a fraction of an inch. You strain trying to lift it. You have expended energy but have no performed any work. Hence the HP and watts are zero.
Regardless, an internal combustion engine needs some type of clutch to allow the engine to run at a comfortable speed while slowly bringing a different part of the powertrain up to speed.
With a steam engine, you have full torque at every speed. They are spectacular engines at slow speeds.
This takes us to present times.
I’m using FreeCAD to create the 3D model of the engines. A side advantage of this is that I also get assemblies that allow me to check how all the parts fit together. All very nice. This has helped me identify errors in my reading of the drawings.
A simple little thing: The cylinder has a built in bracket system. This is a face used to mount the cylinder to the base and the face used to attach the steam chest. These faces are slightly offset from the bore.
Which leads to my error, times 3. The cylinder mounting holes are not on the center line of the cylinder. They are instead on the center line of the bore. The bore is offset away from the steam chest and away from the mounting holes.
My error? I’ve put those damn mounting holes in the wrong place multiple times.
In the end, I added a spreadsheet to the model. For every shared measurement between parts, I’ve put that value in the spreadsheet. This means that I can do things like change the stroke by changing one value. Sort of.
My understanding of this mechanical marvel is much improved from being able to see the parts work together.
Another thing I noticed was that all the engine plans have an assumption you will be working with castings. They expect you to hire a pattern maker to create the patterns and then have your local foundry cast them.
While I would love to make my castings from iron, I will start with making them from aluminum. And the new tools I have and new skills I have in woodworking allow me to make real patterns.
My final goal is to have master patterns and molding boards for patterns for a couple of different engines. If I can accomplish that and make a few of them, I’ll be very happy.
Next stop, learning how to be a safe boilermaker. And not the happy drink type.
Happy Hanukkah
Way too many years ago, I went to an interfaith seminary, and trained to be an interfaith minister. It’s one accomplishment I’m very proud of, though I also think I learned as much or more by interning with a UCC minister friend for a year. We studied many different faiths, and how they interact. While I, myself, am quite pagan, I do understand different faiths call to different people. I rather like the idea that various gods have “their” people. G-d (the Jewish deity) called the Jews to be his people, and gave them Commandments, instructions, and information… much of which they didn’t pay as much attention to as they should have. A lot of their rituals and celebrations honor the folks who got them out of messes that their religious indiscretions got them into.
Hanukkah is not a big religious festival for the Jews. It was a minor one, until Christmas became so commercialized and messed with the Jewish kids. So now Jewish kids get presents as well as gelt, and some of the more pagan aspects of Christmas have snuck into Hanukkah celebrations. It’s all good. Winter is a time of darkness, and whether you celebrate the Birth of the Sun, the Birth of the Son, or the Miracle of the Lights, it’s all about warding off the darkness (albeit in very different ways).
This Hanukkah is different, though. Way too many of my Jewish friends (and I have a surprising number of them) are afraid this year. They have watched too many of their fellow Jews be slaughtered, and very few criminals being brought to justice. They’ve heard too many people on the Left calling for their extermination, or celebrating those who harm Israel. They’re not celebrating Hanukkah this year. They’re lighting those eight lights over eight nights because it’s a mitzvah, a … “a helping.” They are putting the light back into the world, in whatever way they can. Lighting the Hanukkiah and singing Ma’oz Tzur are acts of peace, but also acts of rebellion against the violence they are seeing.
For those who may not know, the history of Hanukkah, in short:
Hanukkah’s history centers on the 2nd century BCE Maccabean Revolt, where Jewish fighters led by Judah Maccabee reclaimed Jerusalem’s Second Temple from Greek-Syrian oppressors who had desecrated it. After retaking the Temple, they cleansed it and rededicated it, but found only a tiny cruse of oil, which miraculously burned for eight days instead of one. This “miracle of the oil” established the eight-day “Festival of Lights,” celebrating Jewish perseverance, religious freedom, and divine presence. — Grok
My family and I have celebrated Hanukkah every year since I was in seminary. The act of lighting the candles, sitting quietly in the dark, being a family… these have become important to us, even though we’re not Jewish.
The Intermittent Missive – Now With 10% more Intermission!
December 16th:
Chuck Schumer Accuses GOP Senator of ‘Despicable Islamophobia’ for Telling the Truth
https://www.westernjournal.
What makes Islam different in the world we live in is that a percentage of its adherents are not only open to practicing violence — they positively glory in it. “Islam is not a religion. It’s a cult. Islamists aren’t here to assimilate. They’re here to conquer,” Sen.Tuberville
Global Rightward Shift Continues as Chile Chooses “Trumpian” President
https://amac.us/newsline/
Deport Illegal Aliens – Laws Require It
https://amac.us/newsline/
The illegal immigrant with more power than the president
https://www.theblaze.com/
Pentagon ‘Escalating’ Review of ‘Serious Allegations’ Against Mark Kelly
https://redstate.com/rusty-
Australian Prime Minister Has Finally Figured Out What ‘Inspired’ Bondi Beach Terrorists
https://redstate.com/
…the attack was “inspired by a terrorist organization, by ISIS,”
AND
After Failing to Engage Bondi Beach Terrorists, Guess Who the Australian Police Did Shoot
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/
Islam in the West: From Sydney to California, Islamic Terror Strikes Jews in Coordinated Attacks
https://gellerreport.com/2025/
Walz to Issue Toothless Executive Orders on Guns While Pushing for Semi-Auto Ban
https://bearingarms.com/
Walz is now issuing a couple of toothless executive orders aimed at firearms.
and
Walz signs executive orders on guns, establishes Statewide Safety Council
https://kstp.com/kstp-news/
One order expands education on extreme risk protection orders — also known as “red flag” orders — and safe gun storage and directs the Department of Commerce to collect data from insurance companies on the “costs of gun violence.” The second creates a Statewide Safety Council with a stated goal of preventing “mass violence, targeted attacks, and domestic terrorism.”
More Tax on Tips: Blue States Undercutting New Federal Tax Cuts
https://amac.us/newsline/
Trump and every Republican should make these sadistic Democrats famous and hammer them mercilessly until they let every American who is entitled to these tax cuts savor them in full.
US Oil and Gas Industry Sets Production Records in November, Led by Texas
https://amac.us/newsline/
Australia news and views – THIS IS WHAT FOREIGN NEWS IS
Australia Shows ‘Assault Weapon’ Bans Are the Start, Not the Endgame for Gun Controllers
https://bearingarms.com/
V
‘Speed, accuracy, precision’: How gun makers market the weapons used at Bondi
https://www.msn.com/en-au/
Conservationists slam ‘pointless’ federal regulator’s long-awaited draft to crack down on rat bait poisoning of wildlife
https://www.msn.com/en-au/
Aussies warned as $63,000 in fines handed down for illegal camping acts: ‘Crackdown’
https://www.msn.com/en-au/
Popular Aussie restaurant chain fined $2,035 for handing banned items to customers
https://www.msn.com/en-au/
aws also banned the sale or supply of a number of single-use plastic items, including plates, cutlery, drink stirrers and expanded polystyrene food service items.
Farmers can’t legally replant their own seeds – this is why
https://www.msn.com/en-au/
Farmers not being able to legally save and replant their seeds is the result of several factors that gradually reorganized power, profit, and policy to transform the global seed system as we know it…many of these same companies sell seeds genetically modified to be used with specific chemical inputs, their control over both markets is mutually reinforcing.
embedded video – 00:46:58
December 17 & 18th:
Tim Walz Hysterically Rants Against ‘Assault Weapons’ … But Cannot Define What One Is
https://twitchy.com/grateful-
Tim Walz, who went on an unhinged rant about ‘assault weapons’ in the wake of the Brown shooting. Walz assured us that he knows exactly what an assault weapon is, and then proceeded to NOT define one. “I don’t want to hear how do you define assault weapon. I damn sure can assign what it is and describe what it is and tell you what it does.” (Not that it would matter even if he could define one. The Second Amendment doesn’t say that we the people have the right to bear only the arms that don’t hurt leftists’ tender, fragile feelings.)
video – 00:00:42 – https://twitter.com/i/status/
‘Beachhead of criminality’: Trump admin urges Walz to resign in light of ‘ghost students’ fraud scheme
https://www.theblaze.com/news/
Ghost students will reportedly engage remotely and do the bare minimum of classwork until financial aid funds are doled out around 10 days into the semester. Once their payday arrives, they usually vanish. “They collected checks from the federal government, shared a small portion of the money with the college, and pocketed the rest — without attending the college at all,”
Sen. Mark Kelly Posts Yet ANOTHER Video to Let Us Know He Won’t Be Intimidated
https://twitchy.com/brettt/
It should send a shiver down the spine of every patriotic American that the president and secretary of defense would abuse their power to come after me or anyone this way.
It wasn’t enough for Donald Trump to say I should be hanged. It wasn’t enough for Pete Hegseth to threaten me with a court martial. Now they are threatening everything I fought and served for across twenty-five years in the U.S. Navy– all because I repeated something every service member is taught.
The United States has the most professional military in the world – I trust their integrity. What I don’t trust is Pete Hegseth, a recklessly unqualified secretary of defense who has already shown he will corrupt any process to make an example out of me and send a message to every veteran and every American that they shouldn’t speak out.
If Trump and Hegseth think this will stop me from doing what I’ve done every day of my adult life – fighting for this country – then they’ve got the wrong guy. Tomorrow, and the next day, I will keep doing my job representing Arizona.
video – 00:01:09 – https://twitter.com/i/status/
AND
Pentagon Escalates Probe of Democratic Sen. Mark Kelly to an ‘Official Command Investigation’
https://www.westernjournal.
rcd via e-mail
Rob, kill and destroy
https://
In 2017, Rob Reiner founded the Committee to Investigate Russia (CIR) for the sole purpose of trying to tie President Trump to Russia so he could be indicted, arrested, imprisoned or executed for alleged collusion with Russia. IN OTHER WORDS, ROB REINER HELPED LAUNCH THE RUSSIAN COLLUSION HOAX TO STEAL THE WHITE HOUSE FROM PRESIDENT TRUMP AND DESTROY OUR COUNTRY.
rcd via e-mail
Authorizing Deadly Force During the Illegal Raid on Mar-a-Lago Was Inexcusable
https://newsletter.amuseonx.
The FBI warned DOJ and White House it lacked probable cause to search the former president’s home and that the raid was unnecessary and dangerous.
Virginia Democrat Delegate’s Daughter Threatens To Poison ‘White MAGA Families’ Food
https://americanjournaldaily.
“If I owned a soul food place and a white MAGA family showed up to my restaurant, there’s a high chance that I’m going to put Windex in their food, some type of toilet cleaner, saliva, feces, you’re really trusting to walk your a* in somebody’s facility knowing that you’ve caused their entire life to change in a matter of a couple years, and it’s your fault. You trust those people to make you food?” She continued, “There would be Windex in all of your food, all of it, and I’m gonna sit there and smile the whole time you’re eating. I don’t give a fck.”…A young woman openly fantasizing about poisoning American families—including children—with cleaning chemicals and human waste. Smiling as they unknowingly consume it. That’s not political commentary. That’s derangement. And someone taught her to think this way.
Trump Media & Technology Group to Merge with TAE Technologies, a Premier Fusion Power Company, in All-Stock Transaction Valued at More Than $6 Billion
https://truthsocial.com/@
Combined company expects to site and commence construction of the first utility-scale fusion power plant in 2026
Four Days Later: Brown University Shooter Still At Large As Bizarre Anomalies Mount In Investigation
https://www.zerohedge.com/
Consumer prices increased in November at an annualized rate of 2.7%, lower than expected
https://justthenews.com/
The Woke Nurse Who Viciously Attacked ‘Granny Jeanie’ Over Charlie Kirk Shirt Is Cooked – Watch Her CEO Describe His Last 24 Hours
https://www.westernjournal.
video – 00:01:51 – https://twitter.com/i/status/
Chico Target employee responds to viral video backlash
https://www.actionnewsnow.com/
video – 00:03:15 – https://redirect.field59.com/
SNAP Recipient Complains About New Rules Blocking Junk Food Purchases: ‘What Is the Point?’
https://www.westernjournal.
A Missouri woman on Thursday receiving Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program funds complained about only being able to buy “real food” with the program…“That’s not even cool, like why they do that?”…“I don’t know what Trump is doing or what is going on.”” “What is the point of food stamps if it’s just for ‘real food?’”…worried about whether parents would be able to purchase snacks their kids liked to eat.
Trump delivers pot reform dream — but stops short of full marijuana legalization
https://nypost.com/2025/12/18/
…action will move pot from “Schedule I,” the most restrictive Controlled Substance Act designation for drugs with a high potential for abuse and no accepted medical value, to Schedule III
House Republicans Pass Reform Bill to Cut Costs and End Obamacare Subsidies, Saving $35.6 Billio
https://istandforfreedom.com/
The Congressional Budget Office confirmed the bill would reduce federal deficits by $35.6 billion. Tennessee Rep. Tim Burchett put it bluntly: the only people prospering off the current system are insurance companies, “and they’re getting fat.”
Chevrolet’s Beautiful 2025 Christmas Ad Celebrates Family, Avoids Politics – Wins Widespread Praise
https://istandforfreedom.com/
The video is a reminder of how holidays are meant to be spent: In the loving company of family.
The world has become a fast-paced, dog-eat-dog place where it’s easy to overlook the little things in life that mean the most. Spending time with family has fallen by the wayside in the interest of personal progress and career advancement.
2025 video – 00:03:21 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?
2024 video – 00:05:26 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?
2023 video – 00:02:55 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?
2001 video – 00:04:00 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?
The next Carrington Event would hit a very different world
https://www.collapselife.com/
New calculations show a major solar storm could trigger cascading failures across GPS, communications, and navigation.
You say that like it is a bad thing.
https://miguelgg.substack.com/
Once there are more people working for a federal paycheck than citizens in the private economy, they are no longer working for you, but you are working for them.
The reason U.S. Navy is using drones against cartel boats.
https://miguelgg.substack.com/
(Sad, but true. The Navy, in large part, does NOT use small arms. It is entirely different watching target practice in a unit that uses small arms daily, whether it be the master-at-arms, Marines, or special warfare operators. – jlr)
VIRAL video: Somali man taunts Americans — ‘Go to work for me, you fking white animals!’
https://www.theblaze.com/
“Thank you for working so hard so I can be home all day — free. I can use my EBT. Go to work for me, white boy, white girl! Yeah! Go to work for me, you fking white animals! Fking work for me. Yeah, you f*king work for me. And the U.S. government — they work for me. All of you work for me. Now go to work.”
video – 00:00:44 – https://twitter.com/i/status/
A new Christmas fable – Courtesy of Raconteur Press.
https://thelawdogfiles.
While Santa Claus brings gifts to good little boys and girls, and Krampus punishes children who misbehave, the less well-known Välkkykettu (Flickerfox) traditionally rewards those children who are both good and bad: those hyperactive, impulsive, chaos-gremlins we all know and (sometimes) love. To these lucky children, he brings gifts that are equal parts delightful and disastrous.
AND
Joyous Noel! – Have a present.
https://thelawdogfiles.
Sam Robb’s Välkkykettu thing got hold of me, and I’ve been batting it around a little obsessively. I crunched my whole concept into a children’s Christmas story.
As a present to our Gentle Readers, here’s a children’s Christmas tale:
AND
Joyous Noel, Part 2 – This Flickerfox thing won’t let go.
https://thelawdogfiles.
My brain squirrels have decided that they like the Flickerfox thing we’ve been doing, so here’s another Christmas story for y’all.
Enjoy!
Question of The Week
This is the second Christmas without my parents. Last year, about now, I was finding out just how nasty my brother actually is. Which gratefully caused me to connect with “The Cousins”.
This year I am doing a bit better. Not great, but better.
Growing up, Christmas had rules. You got three “major” presents. Mom made sure they matched you and, to her, more importantly, that the value of your set of presents exactly matched your siblings.
I swear that Mom would make that balance within a few nickels every year.
As the number of grandkids grew and Mom became more mentally fragile, she couldn’t keep up with matching presents to kids. She switched what she was doing.
Each kid, grandchild, spouse or significant other, and “adopted” child received the same thing: a beautiful Christmas ornament and a cash gift.
The first time this happened, it was difficult for me; I was broke, so that cash was extremely helpful. But the ornament matched me, and that was what I was truly thankful for, but I also needed to express my gratitude for the cash. I didn’t want my parents to think it was just the cash that was important to me.
Over the years Mom’s ability to choose personal ornaments declined, but it was still a staple.
Last year there were no ornaments from Mom. She and Dad were gone.
As Christmas started growing nearer this year, I felt the loss of my parents overwhelming me. Knowing that there would be no ornaments, no cash from Mom under the tree.
I fixed it. I got the addresses of all the cousins, the names of their spouses and significant others, any children they had, adopted or natural. Then I got ornaments for them all. The female adults got ornaments from one collection, and everybody else got them from a different collection.
Those ornaments with a $10 bill were packaged up and sent out.
Everybody that Mom would have sent a gift to received a gift. Even my brother.
It worked. All who have reported so far have been very pleased.
The Question
What is a Christmas tradition that your family has that you took over when your parents passed or that you want your offspring to take up when you pass?
From Behind Enemy Lines – Opposing Words and Actions
I don’t know who Elsa Kurt is, but this showed up yesterday afternoon on my feed, and I agree with it. It speaks better words than I can.
Chris will tell you that, during Trump 1.0 when I was suffering from TDS, I would often talk about the “mean tweets.” At the time, I was befuddled, and I couldn’t explain why they bothered me so much. I think perhaps now I have a better idea of how to put it into words. Elsa here has helped.
I can see and approve of, and indeed love, the THINGS that President Trump is doing while simultaneously decry some (but not all) of the things he says and/or tweets. I see all the good he’s done for our country, and I am very supportive of that. I see our economy recovering, spending going down, tariffs doing what they ought to, criminals being ousted from the country, and a general upswing in mood. But I also see his words. And they are troubling to me.
At one time, I lived in my parents’ home and in a very abusive situation. My mother only ever hit me once. At the time, I was a foul mouthed teen and I probably deserved discipline (though not a backhand with her ginormous wedding rings on). Her abuse was more sinister, though. It was mental. She was (and is, I suppose) an alcoholic who was undiagnosed and who refused to admit it. She drank frequently, and acted poorly when drunk. She was mean in general, but when drinking became a nightmare. I would be severely punished for such offenses as putting forks in the dishwasher wrong, having the wrong look on my face at a given moment, or asking for physical attention (hugs, etc.). Anything other than an “A” grade was also to be punished. Punishments ranged from being sent to my room, to berating and mocking me, humiliating me, and grounding me for months at a time. It was the digs, though, the mental and verbal digs that just kept coming, that destroyed me.
There was a time when I was 15 or so, when I finally broke and I went to the ER local to me, and begged them to lock me up on a 72 hour hold. After hours of talking to a therapist and various doctors, they basically told me I was fine, it was my mother who was sick. I could not get it through their heads that it didn’t matter if she was the sick one, _I_ was the one who had to change, because she wasn’t going to. That wasn’t just an assumption on my part, either. She’d told me that, to my face. I ended up medicated, because dulling my senses was the only way to get through my time living with her. I took up drinking and drugging, and inappropriate sex, because I needed to get love from somewhere.
Why are you talking about all this, you ask? Because when Trump does one thing and then says another, it shoves me right back into my days with my mother. It’s not so much of a match that I feel gut punched, but the discomfort is there. My mother could put on a dazzling display of “loving parenthood” when anyone else was around. Most people thought I was damn lucky to have such an attentive, wonderful mother in my life. They had no idea of the personal hell I lived through, every single day. When I see someone whose words and actions are at a mismatch, it is my natural reaction to look twice and thrice at every word and action they have made and are making.