From Behind Enemy Lines – Opposing Words and Actions

I don’t know who Elsa Kurt is, but this showed up yesterday afternoon on my feed, and I agree with it. It speaks better words than I can.

Chris will tell you that, during Trump 1.0 when I was suffering from TDS, I would often talk about the “mean tweets.” At the time, I was befuddled, and I couldn’t explain why they bothered me so much. I think perhaps now I have a better idea of how to put it into words. Elsa here has helped.

I can see and approve of, and indeed love, the THINGS that President Trump is doing while simultaneously decry some (but not all) of the things he says and/or tweets. I see all the good he’s done for our country, and I am very supportive of that. I see our economy recovering, spending going down, tariffs doing what they ought to, criminals being ousted from the country, and a general upswing in mood. But I also see his words. And they are troubling to me.

At one time, I lived in my parents’ home and in a very abusive situation. My mother only ever hit me once. At the time, I was a foul mouthed teen and I probably deserved discipline (though not a backhand with her ginormous wedding rings on). Her abuse was more sinister, though. It was mental. She was (and is, I suppose) an alcoholic who was undiagnosed and who refused to admit it. She drank frequently, and acted poorly when drunk. She was mean in general, but when drinking became a nightmare. I would be severely punished for such offenses as putting forks in the dishwasher wrong, having the wrong look on my face at a given moment, or asking for physical attention (hugs, etc.). Anything other than an “A” grade was also to be punished. Punishments ranged from being sent to my room, to berating and mocking me, humiliating me, and grounding me for months at a time. It was the digs, though, the mental and verbal digs that just kept coming, that destroyed me.

There was a time when I was 15 or so, when I finally broke and I went to the ER local to me, and begged them to lock me up on a 72 hour hold. After hours of talking to a therapist and various doctors, they basically told me I was fine, it was my mother who was sick. I could not get it through their heads that it didn’t matter if she was the sick one, _I_ was the one who had to change, because she wasn’t going to. That wasn’t just an assumption on my part, either. She’d told me that, to my face. I ended up medicated, because dulling my senses was the only way to get through my time living with her. I took up drinking and drugging, and inappropriate sex, because I needed to get love from somewhere.

Why are you talking about all this, you ask? Because when Trump does one thing and then says another, it shoves me right back into my days with my mother. It’s not so much of a match that I feel gut punched, but the discomfort is there. My mother could put on a dazzling display of “loving parenthood” when anyone else was around. Most people thought I was damn lucky to have such an attentive, wonderful mother in my life. They had no idea of the personal hell I lived through, every single day. When I see someone whose words and actions are at a mismatch, it is my natural reaction to look twice and thrice at every word and action they have made and are making.

Yes, Meathead (Rob Reiner) was a political enemy. Like many other actors and public non-political figures, I like the work but not the person. I adore All In The Family and wish it were on television today. I will always love and cherish The Princess Bride. These are all children of Reiner’s imagination. They are good. He was a great director and a good actor, and a shitty political speaker. I don’t have to like him to appreciate his work.

Trump had an opportunity here, as Elsa pointed out above. He could have taken the high road. It would have been largely in character, because from what I can tell from listening to people who interact with him in person, he is a very kind person. But he didn’t take the high road. He didn’t even just stay silent, which would also have been both understandable and reasonable. Instead, he took to trash talk. Blaming the horrifying murder of two people by their own child (current understanding of the crime as of Dec 16, 2025, noon time) on the fact that Reiner suffered from TDS is asinine, cruel, and just plain wrong.

I grew up with grandparents who taught me right from wrong. “Don’t speak ill of the dead,” was the number one thing they pushed on me. Doesn’t matter your religion or lack thereof, if someone dies, just shut the fuck up if you can’t say something nice. Perfectly okay to shut up. Shutting up is acceptable, especially in the face of someone who’s been a turd to you. Another one is, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Apparently Trump’s parents never bothered to teach him these niceties of society.

Does Trump being a verbal twit take away from what he’s done for America? No. Or rather, not a lot.

One of the things I’ve seen Trump encouraging people to do is to re-introduce some older moral beliefs that worked well. Dress well and dress for success. Be polite to your elders. Apply yourself at school. Consider trades and apprenticeships as well as college. Eat together as a family, and spend time together as a family, and accept “family values.” Well, here’s the thing… the above two statements I made go right along with those moral values. So when Trump makes his mean tweets in times like these, not only do I face-palm and groan into my pillow (and not in the good way), it makes me recoil. It goes against the things he, himself, has been preaching.

I do not subscribe to a policy of “…do as I say, not as I do.” Nor do I subscribe to the opposite, “do as I do, not as I say.” Words and actions should match. When they don’t, they highlight doubts. And for those of us who’ve been gaslit and abused in the past, it makes us pull away even when we’re trying to watch the positive stuff. Because that mismatch between what’s said and what’s done? That’s a huge red flag.

So what is it? Is Trump a savior for America? I would very much like to think so. Or is he a foul mouthed, rude asshole? Unfortunately, I very much think he is this as well. The dichotomy of it hurts my soul.

Today, I can say that I support Trump’s policies. I support the things he’s been doing with our country. I do not support his words. I do not support his “mean tweets.” And I don’t have to. But today I also have to say that I’m beginning to wonder if it’s Trump at the helm, or someone else who’s doing all these wonderful things, and just using Trump as a figurehead. He has these amazing moments (standing and shouting “Fight!” after being shot… Saying prayers for the people slain by gunmen and with knives…) but they’re peppered with too many “mean tweets” for me to simply ignore them. Perhaps he’s simply done a very good job of picking his support staff (which is a wonderful thing all on its own, and not easy). Regardless, I have to separate the two parts of Trump. I cannot support his “mean tweets.” He has taken things too far, he has stepped over the line yet again. Once more, yanking defeat from the jaws of victory.

I am disappointed.