Discipline Is Such a Bad Word – P2

I’ve fought my weight my entire life. Even when I was healthy I thought I was fat. I look back at pictures of me when I knew I was so fat and cringe. I wish I had that body again.

I am currently fat. It affects me in many ways. I’ve been fat for about 10 years now. I know exactly the moment when I lost my war with my weight.

The day my wife moved in. She had an abusive childhood with many fad diets and many that were for all intents, starvation diets. And when her mother would finally give in and give my wife, as a child, food, it was a sign of love.

For my wife, food is love, love is food. If she isn’t putting food in front of you, she isn’t showing love. Last night she was trying to shovel food on to my teenage son’s plate. He said “no”. She had to show her love and the best way for her to show her love is to put more food on his plate.

A lunch for me would be a sandwich. If my wife fixes us lunch it will be two sandwiches and a side and…

She feels love when she bakes. So she bakes and then I have to fight my sugar cravings all day and for the next few days.

She was the teacher that brought home every left over cake and cupcake. Because she couldn’t let it go to waste. So instead it went to my waist. I’d throw cakes and cookies and all sorts of things out and still more would show up.

I lost my war with food because my opponent was my wife’s love for me.

It was a slow grinding war. I was exercising daily. I was the guy that parked at the far end of the parking lot to get a little extra walking in. I always took the stairs.

When I started my own company working from home, my walk to the office went from 1/2 mile each way to 20 steps. And my weight went up. The gym membership failed when the panic started and when my doctor said I had to stop using the treadmill.

But Miguel’s story and looking at the need to be prepared beyond having skills and tools meant I had to find the discipline.

So I have my exercise bike. I get on that damn thing 5 times a week. And that’s hard. My wife says all the wrong things to motivate. She can’t give me my 30 minutes in the morning without having some demand for attention. I have to tell her to be quiet, which hurts her and I don’t want to hurt her.

I bought “salad” plates and use them for my dinner plates. They are much smaller, closer in size to the size of 50’s dinner plates. It means that my helping sizes have gone down. It means that my wife sees a full plate when there is one sandwich and small side, so she can still be giving me love.

I’m down nearly 20 pounds from my peak of 4 months ago. The discipline of eating less and exercising more.

I’ve got enough stamina that I can actually do other physical things that makes it still easier to lose weight. It is a war won battle by battle.

If you are overweight, no call it what it is, if you are fat there are things you can do to start losing weight. Then have the discipline to keep doing it.